The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
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