The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
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