It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
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