What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
Randomize
