I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
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