it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Randomize
