I only kidnapped one of them. chill
he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
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