I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
My vagina just clenched in fear
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
Randomize
