Betty ford says i'm here all night
come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
Randomize
