Do you still have your period?
What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
Randomize
