I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
Randomize
