Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
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