I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Randomize
