I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
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