Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
He's a Shit stain on my heart
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
Randomize