I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
Does she know that uploading nude photos to photobucket and networking are two different things? You may want to ask.
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
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