Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
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I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
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