I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
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I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
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My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
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