Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
Randomize
