sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
Randomize
