You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
Mom said you looked used
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
Randomize
