just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
Randomize
