He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
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