I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
Randomize
