grandma shit on top of the toilet
so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
As shirtless as possible
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
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