can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize
