i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
Randomize
