If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
Randomize
