tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Randomize
