Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
Randomize
