Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
Randomize
