Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
