No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
Randomize
