I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
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