He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Randomize
