What would a frattoo be? Maybe like the Chinese symbol for Keystone Light.
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
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