1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
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