she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
And then he peed in my hair
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