Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
I think I just saw someone hide a body.
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
Randomize
