I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
I drew a nude short fat middle aged woman today and liked it
It was honestly one of my favorite days in art class except for the 20 min she faced me and kept looking at me and we made eye contact
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
Randomize
