and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
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