Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
Randomize
