mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
I want to make a zoo with you.
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
Randomize
