Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
