Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
Braces and a neon one piece. She looks 15.
i'm in love
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
Randomize
