thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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