failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
Randomize
