Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
Randomize
