you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
Randomize
