There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
Randomize
