At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
