We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
Randomize