Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
Randomize
