Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Randomize