he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
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