I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
You peed on a flamingo?!?
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize
