It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
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