I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Randomize
