found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
Randomize
