I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
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