Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
Little spoons don't ask big questions
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
jersey shore drinking game rules must be edited. almost died. how is it possible for a person to say guido that many times
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
Randomize
