I want you more than these girls want KFC
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
Randomize
